I am Not an Entertainer: A Day in the Life of a Hospice Music Therapist

I check my email each morning looking at the reports sent from different teams. Who was admitted? Who is going to respite? Who is on IDP aka “impending death protocol.” I see a familiar name on one of the IDP lists. Dang it. I knew it was coming. Just recently I shared in a team meeting that I felt he was declining. He has been alert and oriented and aware of what is happening the whole time. I know he has had mixed feelings about this part. He was very happy about the birth of my baby and had said “one coming in and one going out.” I added a note to call his wife later to check in. 

But before I got on the road I had some administrative tasks to do. Organized some music. Mundane things. Most mornings are: email, check visit order, chart reviews, look at my ever changing schedule, make calls, etc. 

Then it was time for my morning visit. A new assessment for a woman who lives on her own. It was a delightful visit as she reminisced about her life and spoke of her family. She told me that when she was a young child teachers and church choir leaders told her to just mouth the words. Hearing that always breaks my heart. My dad was told the same thing, well he was told to just not come. Yet this lady quietly sang along with me and seemed quite content. 

I got to meet her dog and her bird. I love meeting new animals everyday, especially dogs! She said she loved the company and they would have homes to go to when she was gone. She was open to talking about that more and shared that she is a bit angry about dying, but understands that her age and disease will eventually lead to death. From the moment I met her I realized how much she values optimism and taking each day as it comes. “Que Sera Sera” was very fitting for her session today. For her, music therapy will help support her emotional and self expression along with social interaction since she is isolated at times 

Que Sera Sera Chorus

"Que sera, sera.

Whatever will be, will be.

The future's not ours to see.

Que sera, sera.

What will be, will be."

Following that visit, I ate a cold slice of pizza for lunch in my car. Being on the road all day isn’t very glamorous. But I like it because I can recharge in between visits. I put on music or a podcast. Sometimes I call my mom or my husband to chat. 

Then I called the IDP patient’s spouse and they eagerly accepted a visit. I wasn’t planning to be in their area today, so I had a little bit of a drive. When I arrived, I wasn’t quite sure what I would walk into. It is common to meet someone awake and alert and then the next visit they are very different. This gentleman had been pretty consistent with me even when the rest of the team was noticing some more tiredness. 

He greeted me by name, but I noticed how thin and tired he looked. He took my hand and appeared a little tearful. More recently he would ask me to choose songs because it was just to mentally taxing for him. He loves 60s and 70s music and I already knew his favorites. He closed his eyes and relaxed. His spouse was tearful but accepting. She showed him such tender care and love. She requested a song by the Association, a group I love too but need to practice more of. So I pulled up a song I have been meaning to learn and we listened to the recording of “Everything That Touches You.” What a fitting song to communicate their love and care. Below are the lyrics. Find a recording because the harmonies are beautiful.

In my most secure moments, I still can't believe

I'm spending those moments with you

And the ground I am walking, the air that I breathe

Are shared at those moments with you

You love for real

You show the feel

Of everything that touches you

In the songs I've been singing, quite often a phrase

Comes close to the feeling of you

But I never suspected that one of those days

The wish of a song would come true (ooh, ooh)

You love for real

You show the feel

Of everything that touches you

You are of gracefulness

You are of happiness

You are what I would guess to be most like

What I've been singing of

Love, love, love, love

In the songs I've been singing (love, love, love, love)

Quite often a phrase (love, love)

Comes close to the feeling of you (love, love)

But I never suspected that one of those days (love, love)

The wish of a song would come true (love, love, love, love)

You love for real

You show the feel

Of everything that touches you

Love, love, love, love

Everything is love, love

Love, love, love, love

Love, love, love, love

Love, love

Everything is love, love

Love, love, love, love

Love, love, love, love

Love, love

Everything is love, love

Love, love, love, love

Love, love, love, love

Love, love

Everything is love

He became tired and we ended the music with a final song “Do You Believe in Magic?” I spoke with the spouse and provided a supportive presence as I inquired about how she was doing. She felt so supported by the team and was just so appreciative. I almost started crying as I left…not sure if I would see them again. He was one that benefited so much in the music and my presence. 

After that, I got back to the two other visits I had planned for the day. Both ended up being very similar. Each visit started with a random person alluding to my guitar:

“The entertainment committee is here!” As I walk through a common area heading towards an assessment visit for someone I couldn’t locate last time. “More like the death committee” I thought to myself. I just smiled and kept walking. 

“Are you going to do something fun?!” As I cross paths with someone at the elevator. I quickly say “Oh I am a hospice music therapist visiting someone” with a smile. They very gracefully replied with something like “How wonderful.” 

People always stop me and ask if I can play for them. Some days it is fun to be funny about it. Some days I am really busy and don’t have the time or mental capacity for extra small talk. Either way, you technically need to be terminally ill for me to play for you. You don’t really want me coming to your room. What I do isn’t entertainment or for fun. It is for comfort and emotional expression during one of the hardest chapters of life. 

After these two experiences, both gentlemen were asleep and I didn’t end up doing much for either. That can happen sometimes. I found a comfy chair in the lobby of the last facility and did my documentation. Like the nurses, social workers, and chaplains, I have to document what I observed during my visit and provide evidence that music therapy should be continue along with any signs that the patient remains eligible for hospice or not. 

I end my day by double checking if any other calls need to be made for referrals or scheduling. Sometimes I write out bereavement cards. Other days I might have some extra time to work on learning new music, but that is rare. I often have to learn new music on the fly in visits, especially if someone is actively dying and that will be the only time I have with them.

During my work day, I am dedicated to the time of others. I do my best to switch to myself and family when work is done. Lately, I have been crafting and working towards building up a side business, Kelody Fey, as a way of balancing out the stress and constant reminders of death. Being creative helps me live in the moment. It is hard to work in the midst of death, but it really reminds you to seize the day and live to the fullest.