The Virtue of Humility

The Autumn season, with its emphasis on balance and continued surrender to the cycle of the seasons, has me reflecting on the Wiccan virtue of humility. Humility can be defined as:

• the quality of having a modest view of one's value or importance.

• freedom from pride or arrogance

• the absence of any feelings of being better than others

In general, it is the state of being humble, which is essential for growing and learning as part of the Wiccan path. Coveners must be humble as they receive knowledge, feedback, and mentorship from the coven leaders. In turn, the coven leaders also show humility as they assist the coven, receive feedback, and maintain a sense of equality in the group. Yes, while there is some hierarchy in traditional Wiccan groups, ultimately there should also be a sense of equity and equality. I believe that cultivating humility is required to meet that goal. 

No one is all knowing or perfect. Some may have more knowledge or affinity in certain magical subject areas, but it takes humility to recognize strengths and areas of growth in order to share and receive new insights amongst the group. 

I have always considered myself a humble person. However, I have recently gone through a lesson in humility in relation to my fertility journey. October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month, and I would like to share a bit more about my story. 

I experienced two early pregnancy losses: a chemical pregnancy in April 2023 and a blighted ovum in February of 2024. I was devastated each time. I didn’t even get to the point to hear a heartbeat. I felt like a failure, like a joke. Why couldn’t my body do what it was supposed to do? I was about to be 34 and time was running out.

  I had done my own magical workings too, and they didn’t seem to be working. In a past mediumship session, the medium mentioned that my ancestors would be assisting me when I decided to become pregnant. Where were they?!

In Sept of 2024, my husband and I started fertility treatment with Shady Grove. I felt hopeful that we might get lucky with the IUI phase. Nope. Time continued to tick away and turning 35 was closing in. I don’t know why I was so fixated on being pregnant before 35. I began to realize that I appeared to have a bias. What would these thoughts sound like to someone who started having a family over 35? Did I think I was better than that? Were they less than? No. 

I had to face the fact that the next step would be IVF. Again, I struggled with the thoughts that this meant failure and more time would have to be wasted because of the more involved protocols. Why did I have to do IVF while so many others didn’t have too? Again, there was a layer of “I am better than this” mentality secretly swimming in my biases. 

But I began to understand that many people don’t have the choice of natural conception and need to go through fertility treatment because of medical history or sexual orientation. 

Around this time, both my husband and I had deaths of close biological family members. I began to pray to them, hoping they could assist us. 

Right before starting IVF I attended a retreat and Sacred Space conference and I continued to break down the barriers and biases I had within. During the retreat, I let go of the need to control the timing of becoming pregnant. Humility requires a surrender of control. 

At Sacred Space Conference, I began my relationship with Hathor and Sekhmet. I began to feel the protection and guidance from Hathor, a goddess of motherhood. Sekhmet helped me find the courage and skill to complete the requirements of IVF, especially the multitude of shots required. Humility requires the acceptance of help from others when in need. Part of this also included trusting my spouse to administer these shots. Even though I wasn’t going to conceive naturally, I still depended very much on his assistance!

Well, my first transfer failed. We had one more embryo, which is now a 19 week old fetus due in March 2026. I know not everyone's experience with fertility treatment is as quick. It can take years for many.

So as a PSA for others who might interact with someone going through fertility issues, be humble. No one is an expert on someone else's experience or body. Ask about what they need because maybe it is just someone to listen, not someone's list of advice.

When we are humble we have the chance to learn and unlearn things, which leads to great potential and growth. It is ok to not be perfect and own up to mistakes. It gives us a chance to be reflective about how we can change for the better.

Is there an experience in your life that has led to a lesson in humility?